


Raise Your Voice: Zap. Touch The Glass: Zap. Think About Gay Stuff: Zap.

by Koberoo



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/F, Gen, Homophobia, I'm not sure why the sentiment would be that there's no out gay people in NJ but?, M/M, Outing, but like we been knew everyones a little gay, i think that's everyone - Freeform, is that something that needs to be tagged?, that's canon for ya..., the SQUIP is a homophobe and im here to expose it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18116504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koberoo/pseuds/Koberoo
Summary: Basically Jeremy was super insecure about his sexuality to begin with and the SQUIP only made him even more insecure and repressed. It's funnier than it sounds.





	1. I diagnose you with Straight

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a frenzy in like two hours so... we'll see if I can duplicate results in a Panera Bread tomorrow

In the moment, Jeremy decided that the SQUIP wasn’t all bad. It cleared up some confusing stuff for him, some stuff that he would rather forget than figure out. It probably sensed his uncertainty and worked twice as hard to erase anything that didn’t help him become the Chad of his dreams. Not that he dreamed of Chads… 

 

_ You get off to  _ gay  _ porn, Jeremy?  _ The SQUIP chided in his head. Jeremy was home, sitting on his bed, computer in front of him while the SQUIP borrowed his Hands to look through his search history. He was about to voice that it had started as a joke and he watched it for the bad writing, but before he could even get a word out the SQUIP interrupted him.  _ I know it’s not a joke, Jeremy. You can’t lie to me.  _

“Okay well, maybe I have some gay tendencies, but I like girls! I like  _ a _ girl so… I’m not gay.” He paused. “I might be bi though…” 

Zap!  _ Wrong!  _

“Fuck!” Jeremy flinched from the shock. “What’s wrong with being bi!? We’re not in the 1950s.”

_ You’re not bi. You’re definitely straight, remember? I’m in your brain and everything's coming up hetero.  _

“I guess if you can read my brain or whatever…” He wasn’t sure how that worked at all. Was there just a bunch of data for the SQUIP to look at? Was it written in his DNA? Was it just patterns analyzed from his memories. It’s probably not that last one… 

_ It is the last one. Any thoughts you may have had about being gay, it’s all based on outside influences. A need to change with the times, to feel relevant. Well the good news is that straight, white, male is still the best thing to be- in your case that is.  _

Jeremy wasn’t sure why he was trying to hold onto this suspect-queer aspect of himself. It had been such a tender spot, an area of himself that he shielded and protected while he tried to understand it. It was a point of paranoia and shame. Why would he want to hold onto that? 

“So… not gay huh?”

_ Not even bi.  _

“Oh,” Jeremy was equal parts relieved and disappointed. “At least I don’t have to come out to my parents.” It still didn’t really make sense to him but, he also wasn’t a supercomputer from Japan, he was a 15 year old from New Jersey; things might not always make sense. 

_ Being bi isn’t a good thing. It just makes you different from others and being different doesn’t make you popular. People would treat you different, do you really need another reason to be picked on? No, and lucky you, you don’t even have to worry about that!  _ Jeremy took a second to imagine a world where he was bi, a world where he dated a boy instead of a girl. It was an alien concept but not entirely unpleasant. 

Zap! 

“Ow! What was that one for?”

_ Don’t even humor it, there’s no point. Anyway, back to business. You need to start watching Game of Thrones…  _

 

It was Monday morning. Jeremy showed up to school via bus. His SQUIP instructed him the whole way to behave properly on the bus but Jeremy was having a hard time staying awake and paying attention. He also went over the game plan for the day on the bus and while he was walking into the school. 

_ Even if you’re not paying attention to everything I say right now, just remember: relax, and pretend like you don’t care about anyone or anything. That’s pretty easy to remember I think.  _

It was easy to remember, and it wasn’t hard to slip into. Jeremy took a look around at the students bustling and for once, instead of seeing enemies or combatants or potential bullies, he saw NPCs-

Zap!  _ No nerdy shit.  _

He saw mindless people milling about, not expecting anything from him which made it all the more easy to manipulate them with the help of the SQUIP; to convince them he could be cool and popular. 

_ You  _ will  _ be cool and popular, you won’t be pretending. Look, here comes Jenna. I want you to talk to her.  _

“But what should I say?!” Jeremy asked in a hushed whisper. 

_ Just make up a rumor. It doesn’t have to be true but don’t make it so outrageous that she won’t believe it. Now go!  _ Jeremy felt like he was shoved forward even though no one pushed him. He stumbled right next to Jenna’s locker while she was opening it. She gave him a weird look and he quickly straightened up. 

“Jenna,” 

“Jerry,” She regarded him. He shrunk a little. 

“Oh it’s actually Jeremy, I-I don’t-” 

“Isn’t Jerry short for Jeremy?” He supposed it was. 

“Yeah but nobody calls me that.” 

“Nobody calls you anything, really.” She turned to look in her locker. It kind of hurt that he was so insignificant in the past that no one talked about him at all, even negatively.  _ Start gossiping, she’s getting bored. _ Jeremy cleared his throat. 

“I heard-” He started a little too loud, and cleared his throat again to adjust his volume. “I heard something interesting that you might want to hear.” She scoffed at him. 

“Really? You think you know something that I don’t already know? Jerry, I’m the first to know everything.” 

“I know that, which is why  _ I’m _ telling  _ you  _ this first.” She turned towards him, a little intrigued. 

_ You’ve got her. I hope you have a good rumor.  _ He didn’t. He couldn’t think of anything scandalous enough that wasn’t completely unbelievable. He was starting to panic, it had already been too long without an answer.  _ Make something up about Jake.  _ But Jake was so perfect, what could he possibly do that wouldn’t seem cool when he did it? 

“Jake made out with a guy behind the Seven Eleven on Sunday.”

“What?”  _ She doesn’t believe you, say something else!  _

“AFTER DOING HEROIN!” . 

“Jesus, I’m right here you don’t have to yell!”  _ Why heroin? _ Jeremy had never seen Breaking Bad, but one time Michael made him watch Trainspotting so at least he knew how people  _ did  _ heroin.  _ We’ll fix that, you’re watching Breaking Bad after Game of Thrones.  _ The SQUIP zapped him for thinking about Ewan Mcgregor in a crop top. 

“So, who was the guy that Jake was with?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“What did he look like?”

“I didn’t get a good look…” 

“Jeremy, were you even there?” 

“Yes!”  _ No.  _ “NO!” Jenna looked to her right trying to figure out the story. 

“Okay… so if you weren’t there, who saw them?” 

“Um…”  _ Madeline.  _ “Madeline!”  _ And Elizabeth.  _ “AND ELIZABETH!” Jenna’s face turned sour. 

“Elizabeth is a liar AND a bitch.” 

“But Madeline is the one who told me!” 

She considered the information for almost a full minute. Jeremy prayed that she would believe him. He tried to ignore how close the hallway was with students and how stifling the air had become. She flashed a smile for a second before unceremoniously slamming her locker shut. Jeremy nearly jumped out of his skin. 

“That’s some wild shit, Jerry.” She immediately got out her phone and started texting someone. She flashed a peace sign before turning around and walking to class. 


	2. Let the Homophobia Set Overnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panera smiles upon us...

“Alright Jake, show us your arms!” 

“What?” Rich, Chloe and Brooke came charging over towards him where he was sitting at the lunch table. Jeremy was sitting at the opposite end of the table (as per the SQUIP’s instruction, though he was nauseous with anxiety sitting there). He’d only really agreed to sit there because he couldn’t spot Michael. 

“Look he’s wearing long sleeves so we can’t see the puncture.” Chloe stated as a matter of fact. Rich was on his friend immediately, something like eagerness and concern in his expression. He pulled the left sleeve up and turned Jake’s arm over to look for a needle mark. Before he could grab the other one Jake pulled free and stood up, holding his arms over his head where no one could reach. 

“Woah, woah, what’s going on. Why are you looking at my arms?” 

“Jake, my bro, give me your other arm.” Rich demanded. 

“Not until you tell me what this is about.” 

“Jenna said Madeline saw you on Sunday making out with some guy behind a Seven Eleven,” Brooke interjected. Jake fully froze, not seeing how any of this correlated. “AND, she saw you doing meth!” 

“Heroin,” Chloe corrected. 

“Right, yeah, heroin.” 

“What? I was home all day Sunday.” 

“So no alibi?” Chloe asked. 

“Alibi? What, no I have an alibi-”

“What is it then?” An odd look flashed across Jake’s face. 

“I don’t need an alibi, this is ridiculous. Here,” He put his arms down and offered the uninspected one to Rich. Rich pulled the sleeve up and examined. He pulled back slowly before grabbing the left arm again. 

“He’s clean guys, I don’t see any needle marks.” 

“You know, some people inject it in between their toes so the mark can’t be seen.” Brooke mentioned casually. 

They all looked towards Jake, expectantly. 

“You guys really want me to get my feet out in the middle of this cafeteria… just to dispel a fake rumor that I did heroin?” 

“And that you made out with a guy,” Chloe added. 

“How would proving that he didn’t do heroin also disprove that he made out with a guy?” Brooke asked. 

“How did Madeline see you doing heroin anyway?” Rich asked. 

 

“Why is Jake acting so weird? We know he didn’t do either of those things yet he’s totally acting guilty.”  _ Maybe you were on to something Jeremy.  _ “Jake actually does heroin!?”  _ No dipshit, he may not be completely straight.  _ Jeremy felt like that was jumping to conclusions, they didn’t know anything about Jake. Just rumors.  _ It might be in out best interest to learn more about him.  _ “Well he’s in the same play as me and Christine so… that’s something.” 

 

“Well if we find out who you were making out with then we can just ask him!” Rich reasoned. 

“We can ask him if they ‘made out’?! Rich what are you talking about?!” Chloe sounded exasperated. 

“We should ask Madeline since she was the one who was there!” Brooke. 

“We are NOT fucking talking to Madeline, besides Jenna said she didn’t get a good look at his face!” Chloe.

“No,  _ Jerry  _ said he didn’t know who it was.” Brooke. Then silence. Jeremy looked up when he heard his name. Everyone was looking at him from the other end of the table. They all looked expectant, Jake looking borderline desperate. 

“Uhh…I was just relaying what Madeline told to me.”

“To Jenna? Why didn’t you tell me first, dude? I’m the one it’s about!” 

Huh, that was a good question. If this was a ploy just to talk to Jenna, why was Jeremy here where he would held accountable for the lie?  _ You needed an in with this group, and now you have all of their attention.  _ But what could Jeremy say? 

“Because I… trust Jenna more?”  _ Not bad, it implies that you know her well enough  _ to  _ trust her.  _

“Trust Jenna?!” Chloe practically exploded. “She’s infamously the local rumor mill! What the fuck is trustworthy about that?” 

“Actually she doesn’t spread rumors, she gossips. And she never gossips about me, which I appreciate.” Both technically true. 

“Come on dude, you can’t believe that I do heroin though.” Jake took a step forward. 

“I-I don’t!”  _ But.  _ “But…” But what?  _ But you  _ do  _ believe he was with another boy.  _ “But I do believe you were with another boy?” 

“So?” Jake didn’t seem scandalized or uncomfortable, just very thoroughly confused. How do you bully someone for being gay without actually thinking gay people are bad? Zap!  _ Look disgusted.  _

“You would be  _ okay  _ with that?” 

“Dude what the fuck?” They all turned to Rich as he spoke. Now Jake look hurt. “You’re into dudes?” 

“What? No, I was just saying-”  _ Quick make a big show of being appalled and leave. _ Jeremy didn’t know what that meant, couldn’t think of something to say. He slammed his tray on the table and stared at it. When he looked up they were all looking at him again. He glared at Jake before getting up and walking out. 

 

 

Michael watched the whole scene from the next table over. His initial plan was to be discrete and see what Jeremy was up to, why he was ignoring him, but it was hard to be discrete when you’re tall and wear a bright red jacket. However, that didn’t seem to catch Jeremy’s eye today so…success? 

He heard the rumor from some kids in homeroom, that Jake was kissing boys and doing drugs (he was shocked to hear Jake’s name instead of his own honestly. “Did you hear who’s gay and doing drugs?!”). He didn’t believe it at first what with the guerilla tactics to reinforce his popular/ heterosexual front, but if he gave it any amount of thought… Michael can’t claim that he’s good at recognizing queer people. He didn’t believe that there weren’t any in the school, but none of them were out; not while Rich was around. It seems that the rumor’s carriers almost completely passed over Jeremy. Until Brooke spoke up. 

“No,  _ Jerry  _ said he didn’t know who it was.” 

Michael had his headphones on but no music was playing. He snuck a glance up at Jeremy’s table, some kind of stand-off was happening.  _ Trust Jenna? When had Jeremy ever even talked to Jenna? Why was Jeremy being so mean? Since when did he have a problem with gay people? Maybe it’s a jealousy thing? That Jake could be openly queer and still so popular?   _ Michael knew it wasn’t a jealousy thing, it was probably closer to a homophobic thing. Jeremy started to leave the lunchroom so Michael decided to chase after him. 

 

“Jeremy! Jeremy, what the hell man?!” Michael grabbed Jeremy by the arm. He didn’t seem to notice him for a second, then his eyes focused on Michael. 

“Michael? Where’ve you been?” 

“I was at the other table watching. What’s with you man? Why were you being so mean? What did Jake ever do to you?” Jeremy seemed unfocused for a few beats before speaking again. 

“He… nothing. He’s never really done anything to me I guess.” 

“Why were you like… outing him? If he even is gay or bi or whatever. He clearly wasn’t ready for people to know, Jeremy!” 

“Don’t you think people have a right to know who they’re  _ mingling  _ with?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“What if he  _ has  _ something? What if he  _ infects  _ the people around him?”

“Jer, I know you failed Health class but that doesn’t mean you can say whatever the hell you want about gay people or HIV or whatever it is you’re talking about.” 

“Are  _ you  _ saying you’d be  _ okay  _ with hanging around people like Jake?” Jeremy took a step back and yanked his arm free. Michael felt his heart constrict, a long sleeping fear finally being roused. Jeremy’s bewildered expression dropped for a moment, he looked sad. “You never told me you-” Jeremy flinched. “No, I… I have to go.” 

“Jeremy…” Michael reached out a hand but Jeremy was already rushing down the hall away from him. 

_ Ruh Roh… _


	3. Easy, Breezy, Eleventh Grade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich said Fuck Work

English class. The teacher assigned groups so that the students could write a group paper about the book they were reading. Unfortunately Jeremy was in a group with Rich and two other kids whose names he didn’t know. The other two seemed to be friends also also seemed to not be interested in the paper at that moment. Jeremy turned to Rich. 

“So, um, about this paper-” 

“Did you know about Jake before Madeline told you anything?” Rich’s leg was bouncing rapidly, causing the table to shake. The other two seemed annoyed but didn’t say anything, only glanced over dramatically. 

“I had my suspicions I guess…” 

“Why did she tell you? Who was the guy? Jake told me he was home all day yesterday.” Rich didn’t seem to really be talking to Jeremy so much as he was talking to himself… or probably more likely, his SQUIP. Rich seemed pretty rattled by the news, Jeremy wondered if he should tell him that it’s all made up. Why didn’t he know already if he also had a SQUIP? He thought they were connected or something.  _ I’m connected to the SQUIP in his head but I’m not connected to him, really. I know everything about him but he won’t know what I don’t share.  _ Rich was still mumbling. Jeremy stared at his sheet of paper, reasoning that if he wrote his name and date it would be easier to start the assignment. 

“Do I stop being friends with him?” Rich grabbed Jeremy’s shoulder after a pause. Oh, Rich was talking to him again. “Were you even listening?” 

“Was I supposed to be?” It came out a little meaner than Jeremy intended.  _ Good one! _

“Dude, yes! What the fuck were you doing that was more important than listening to me anyway?” An angry smile, not something Jeremy was equipped to respond to. 

“Um, the assignment we’re supposed to be working on? Come on Rich, you’re overreacting. You don’t even know if he  _ is  _ bi.”

“Oh but I do Jerry.”

“Then why did it take this rumor for you to get so worked up about it?” 

Rich didn’t answer, his eyes darting across the table and then around the room. His finger was aggressively tapping the table now. He physically flinched before taking a deep breath. He pulled out a flask and took a sip. 

“Is that alcohol?! Dude, you can’t have that you’ll get in trouble!” Jeremy dipped his head to match his urgent tone. 

“It’s not alcohol,”

“Then what are you-”

“It’s vegetable oil.” 

“What-” 

“It’s vegetable oil,  _ pussy. _ ” He sat back in his chair and took another sip. “You want some?” 

Jeremy heaved a breath. The level numbness he felt towards Rich’s behavior skyrocketed. Why was Rich drinking vegetable oil?  _ It’s an ingredient in Mountain Dew, and it’s also good for your vocal chords.  _ This answered none of Jeremy’s questions. 

“Hey!” Jeremy blinked once and turned towards Rich. “I’m having a party Thursday night, you should come.” 

“But it’s a school night.”  _ That’s the worst thing you could’ve said.  _

“Yeah but my parents are gonna be gone for the night and I’m gonna have booze.” Jeremy thought only Jimmy Buffet used the word “booze”. 

“What kind of… booze?” 

“Who cares? We’re gonna get wasted! So you’ll be there?” 

Alcohol doesn’t taste good, Jeremy knows this. What if they try to do shots and he fucks it up and spews vodka all over someone? What if he gets too drunk and says something embarrassing? What if he shits himself? 

“I don’t know where you live but,”  _ I know where he lives.  _ “I’ll… figure it out.” 

“I can text you the address, dude.” 

“But you don’t know my number- no, it’s fine, I- the SQUIP knows your address so I’ll… yeah.” 

“That’s super weird. Just give me your phone, I’ll put it in.”

“Oh, you’re giving me your number? And here I thought you were straight.” They both got zapped. Rich throttled Jeremy’s jacket sleeve, and snatched the phone out of his hand. 

“Don’t joke, loser-boy.” Loser-boy?  _ Loser-boy?  _

“Um, okay…” Rich typed on Jeremy’s phone for a couple of seconds before handing it back. He’d sent himself a text from Jeremy’s phone that said “im a bitch”. Jeremy got a text just then from Rich’s phone saying “i know you are”. The contact name was “Cool Rich”. Jeremy decided then to change it to “Cool Ranch”. 

“Can we start on this paper now?”

“No, fuck work.” 

 

People were still talking about Jake on Tuesday. He didn’t show up for school. Jeremy sat at Rich’s table for lunch again; no Michael to be found. He should really text him tonight to see what he was up to.  _ Did you forget, Jeremy? Michael’s mad at you, he doesn’t want to talk to. Besides, you shouldn’t be associating too much with him at this point in time.  _

“But he’s my best friend. I’m sure if I talked to him we could work it out.” Zap! “Hey! That wasn’t even a gay thought that was just about... Michael…” 

_ Who is…  _

“Gay… I suppose.” Jeremy picked at a pile of rice with his spork. “So if I want to be popular I can’t have gay friends? Don’t popular people have some sort of pull over the student body opinion?” 

_ Why do you care, Jeremy? It doesn’t help you to boost the public opinion of gay people.  _

“I care about Michael?” Zap! 

 

“Hey, Loser-boy, stop talking to yourself and get over here!” Chloe called to Jeremy. Was this whole SQUIP thing even working? They were calling him Loser-boy.  _ I’m working on it.  _ It wasn’t even clever. Jeremy scooted his tray down the table. 

“Jenna said Jake sent you a dick pic last night, is that true?” Brooke asked easily. 

“Yes.” He answered. Rich clenched his fist and broke the pen he was holding. 

“Can we see it?” 

“What? No, I deleted it.”

“Why?” 

“Why would I keep a picture of some dude’s dick?” 

“Blackmail.” 

“I’m pretty sure I’m one of the last people in the school to see it, anyway.”

“You’re not,” Rich interjected. There was a silence. 

 

Brooke cleared her throat awkwardly. “So, can we start calling Jake a slut now?” 

“You could’ve called him a slut before.” Chloe replied. 

“Yeah, but it feels like now that he’s gone through all the girls, he’s started going through all the guys.” 

Chloe  shrugged, “Okay, I guess.” 

Jeremy started shoveling rice into his mouth so he wouldn’t be expected to talk. Everyone got out their phones to fill the conversational void. Chloe suddenly stood up and slammed her hand on the table, trays and plastic silverware clattered loudly. 

“Oh. My. God. I know who Jake kissed! Jenna just told me!” 

“Who was it?!” Brooke voiced for the group. Chloe looked at everyone at the table, her gaze falling to Jeremy. Her smile was wide, her eyes wider. 

“Michael Mell.” 


	4. Sick apology, Jeezy-boy

“It looks like Jenna is spreading the word pretty quick. Isn’t he your friend, Jerry?” Chloe sneered. 

Jeremy needed to find Michael.

“I need to find Michael.”  _ You don’t  _ need  _ to find Michael. _ “Okay well I also don’t need to eat this shitty lunch so, I’m  _ going  _ to go find Michael.” He mumbled. Jeremy stood up from his seat and looked around for a red hoodie. He grumbled, frustrated and took out his phone to text Michael, only glancing up when he thought he heard his name. ‘Meet me near the building 8 bathroom RIGHT NOW’. He got up and scurried out of the cafeteria before an administrator could question him. 

Michael was usually listening to music during lunch so Jeremy hoped that he would notice the text. While he was waiting outside he got a text from Rich that said ‘Sorry about ur boy, i know u kinda had a thing for him :/’. Jeremy furiously typed back that he  _ never  _ had a  _ thing  _ for Michael. He thought about countering, saying that he was sorry about Jake because he knew Rich had a thing for Jake, but at that moment he felt a firm hand shake his left shoulder. Jeremy looked up from his phone and found himself face to face with Michael. 

“Oh, Michael! I didn’t see you walk up.” 

“Or hear me, I suppose? Were you really  _ that _ focused on your phone?”

“I-I guess so? But I’m glad you’re here, I wanted to ask you about something.”

“Ask me something? You have no plans on apologizing?” 

“I, uh, for what?” 

“For being a huge dick to me for starters.” Michael crossed his arms and took a step backwards. “And for ignoring me so much recently. AND for being a dick to Jake, have you talked to  _ him? _ ” 

“I will, but that’s not why I wanted to see you.” 

“Then I’m not interested, Jeremy! You don’t just get to be an asshole and then forget about it,” 

“No but this is important! It’s about you.” Jeremy felt some kind of desperation bubble up when he felt Michael pulling away, like if Michael left right now he might never see him again. Jeremy didn’t realize how much he’d missed his friend in just two days. He reached out and put an hand on Michael’s shoulder, hoping that could convey all of his intentions. He didn’t expect that Michael was going to reach up and put his hand over Jeremy’s. Zap! Jeremy yanked his hand back. 

“U-Um, I heard a rumor was going around about you… that you’re the one Jake kissed behind the Seven Eleven.”

“What? Why me?” Jeremy took a deep breath. 

“What were you doing on Sunday?” 

“Oh come on, really Jeremiah? You’re interrogating me about this rumor? Did you forget that  _ you  _ are the one who cooked up this lie in the first place?” 

“How did you know about that?” Jeremy turned away slightly. 

“I overheard you in the hallway talking to Jenna yesterday! I know you’ve never actually spoken to Madeline or Elizabeth so…” He gestured in the air his thought process. “It was a lie, just to talk to Jenna? Really, Jeremy? Why Jenna? I thought you were trying to get with Christine?” 

“I’m  _ trying  _ not to be a loser,”  _ Like you.  _ “Like… like I used to be.” Wait, ‘in the hallway?’ Jeremy didn’t see Michael in the hallway that morning.

_ It’s called optic nerve blocking. I blocked him from your view so that you could complete the task at hand.  _

“You can’t do that, he’s my friend!” Jeremy replied internally.

_ I can do it and I will because Michael’s exclusion from your future is  _ vital  _ to you getting Christine.  _

“No, I don’t want you censoring Michael from me. At least… not yet…” The SQUIP didn’t reply for a moment. 

_ Very well. _

“Hello, Jeremy? You still with me, here? Lunch is almost over you know and I’d like to actually eat something.” Michael looked upset and ready to bolt away again. 

“Oh, I uh-”

“Why have you been acting so weird lately? It feels like ever since the mall you…” Michael dropped his arms. “Oh my god, it worked didn’t it?” Jeremy heard the awe in his voice, but didn’t miss there was disappointment also. Jeremy nodded. “What’s it- What does it do?”

“It tells me what to do, how to act; how to be cool and popular.” 

“What was it telling you when you were spacing out?” Jeremy’s shoulders tensed. 

“It- nothing, it wasn’t saying anything.” Michael’s eyes narrowed. 

“Jeremy, you know you can’t lie to save your life. What did it say? Was it about me? Or…” 

“No, it… it’s not important, Michael. Hey I’m sorry. That I’ve been such a dick. Apparently a lot of being popular is just being mean and horrible to other people, and I don’t really want to be mean? But if this is for real, the SQUIP, then it might be my best shot at not being a loser… and my best shot with Christine. So I want to give it a good chance at changing me.” 

Nothing that Jeremy said seemed to really put Michael at ease. He had this concerned, contemplative look written in his eyes, like he didn’t believe what Jeremy was saying, or that he just didn’t like it. 

“What about all that homophobic shit you were saying. Was that you or the SQUIP?” Jeremy’s heart sank.  _ It wasn’t all me, Jeremy. I think you know that.  _

“That was… the SQUIP. It doesn’t think that I need gay people to uh, achieve my goal.” 

“But, Jeremy aren’t you…”

“No! I’m straight, Michael.”  _ Stop projecting. _ “Stop projecting…” Michael winced at that. 

“What about that huge crush you had on Orlando Bloom in 6th grade? We went to see that shitty third Pirates of the Caribbean movie because he was gonna be in it.” Michael held his hands out, asking for an explanation. “We paid money, Jer, real money… for that shitty movie.” His voice got gradually quieter and eyes more and more squinted. Jeremy smiled. 

“What? A straight dude can’t look at another man and think he’s handsome?”

“It wasn’t that simple and we both know it.” Michael also cracked a smile. The sight filled Jeremy with relief. “It was… major. You wanted to  _ do things _ with him.” Jeremy giggled.

“No I didn’t, that’s not how I remember it.” There was a kind of finality in the conversation that made Jeremy want to fidget (though, he couldn’t because that’s not what popular people do). He shifted on his feet, hoping the SQUIP wouldn’t fault him for that. He watched Michael’s expression shift from something easy and warm to concerned and tepid. 

“Are we still hanging out Saturday?” 

“Yeah dude, why wouldn’t we?” Jeremy responded as quickly as possible, not wanting to hear what the SQUIP was going to tell him to say. Michael exhaled. 

“Okay, cool.” He smiled. “Well, I’m gonna go back to lunch, I missed breakfast this morning so I’m kind of dying. I’ll see you later.” 

Jeremy frowned at the implication that they weren’t going to sit together, but it also sort of felt like Michael was still mad at him. 

“Yeah, see ya…” Michael walked away. Jeremy didn’t want to awkwardly follow behind him so he slipped into the bathroom for a quick assessment of his appearance. He straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his hair. He tried for a smile, thinking about all those articles that say ‘just the act of smiling can improve your mood.’ It didn’t have noticeable effects. He walked out of the bathroom towards the cafeteria, thinking about how even when your face is relaxed and emotionless, it still kind of looks like you’re frowning. It just doesn’t seem true that you use more muscles to frown than to smile. Do they mean ‘actively frown?’ Who does that? What does the average frown look like; the frown that allegedly uses so many muscles? 

_ Hey, shut the fuck up. Go sit back down at your table.  _

“My table?” 

_ You sit at it, so it’s yours.  _

“Um, okay.” Jeremy moved to his seat next to Brooke. 

“So how did it go? Did you guys like, fuck each other in the bathroom or whatever?” Chloe asked. 

“No, we just talked.” 

“And?”

“And… what?” 

“Was it him?” Everyone was looking at Jeremy again.  _ Get used to it. If you’re popular people are going to look at you and talk to you and judge you. But don’t worry, you look fine.  _

“Yeah, he said it was him and Jake.” 

“No fuckin’ way!” Rich stood up. “We have to ask Jake, what if Mell is lying?” 

“Why would he lie? And to me?” Jeremy challenged. It was surprisingly easy to slip into believing his own lie. Why  _ would  _ Michael lie to him? “It was Michael.”  _ We’re probably going to have to do something about Jake, then.  _ Rich sat back down, frantically typing on his phone. 

 

Then the lunch bell was ringing and there was the exodus of students. After lunch Jeremy had U.S. history; then Pre-Calc; then he was on the bus home. His bus ride wasn’t the longest, maybe 30 minutes or so. Some kids (like Mark) had a 90 minute drive, depending on traffic. He had his Gameboy out, ready for the long journey home. Jeremy couldn’t see what he was playing but based on his low energy, it was probably Pokemon. Not that Mark ever let anyone know he was playing Pokemon, what with its lack of guns and violence. But if he had a Gameboy there was a 98% chance that he also had a Pokemon game or two. 

About 10 minutes into his ride Jeremy got a text from an unknown number. 

From: (429) 377-3946

     Hey this is jeremy’s number right?

Who got Jeremy’s number? Why were they texting him?  _ You could just ask them, you know.  _

“Do you know who it is?”

_ Yes. _

“Well, who?!” 

_ It’s Jake.  _

“Why…” 

To: (429) 377-3946

     Sure is. Whos this?

From: (429) 377-3946

     Its Jake

Jeremy put in the contact name as “Jake.” 

To: Jake

     Jake who

From: Jake

     Dillinger

To: Jake 

     Oh

     Whats up man why r u texting me

     Also howd you get my number? 

From: Jake

     Rich gave it to me

     Youve been spreading all those rumors about me and Mell right?

Uh oh.  _ Say it was Jenna.  _ But Jake was talking to  _ Jeremy _ , which was kind of cool. Jeremy liked Jake, he seemed like an okay guy. Shouldn’t he be trying to build a repartee with Jake, since he was cool? This was getting messy.

To: Jake

     Jennas been talking about it mostly

From: Jake

     Jenna said you told her

To: Jake

     Why does it matter who started what??

From: Jake

     Because I’d like to know who found out and how

Wait, what? 

_ Just play it off.  _

To: Jake

     You and Michael huh? 

From: Jake

     No, not Michael

     He doesn’t go to our school, thats probably why you didnt recognize him

     He doesnt even really look like Michael so idk where you got that idea from

Who was the first person to say it was Michael? Chloe just got a text from Jenna but… who told Jenna? 

To: Jake

     So youre gay? Or bi or something?

From: Jake

     Guess so 

     I was trying to figure out a way to come out to people but i guess you took care of that for me

Yikes.  _ You’ve been in the same school for 4 years and you didn’t even have an inkling? Aren’t nerds supposed to be smart?  _

To: Jake

     Sorry for outing you

     I know thats like a super shitty thing to do to gay ppl 

     I watched Love, simon

From: Jake

     Well then I guess you know everything about being a closeted person then

Jeremy read the message but didn’t know how to respond. Love, Simon was a good movie. He remembers crying a lot. He went to see it with Michael, obviously, yet for some reason he still wasn’t convinced that Michael was gay. Another message comes in. 

From: Jake

     Wait

     Aren’t you gay?? 

To: Jake

     No????? Why do people keep saying that 

     I mean i dont have a problem with gay people but like im not gay

From: Jake 

     Then why were you being so hostile on monday?

Jeremy locked his phone. He could deal with that situation later. Besides, the bus was going to be at his stop in a couple of minutes. He plugged in his headphones and queued a few songs for the walk home. They were all Drake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont forget to smash that mf like button and leave a comment below


End file.
